I broke it about 3 months ago.

Some days I can go with a little bit of grief. Others I can go all day being in pain and feeling generally uncomfortable.

Today is one of those other days and it is driving me up the wall.

The background/setup for this conversation is two bored people (Bailey and I) and the event on Facebook about his birthday.

Me:

I’m looking forward to the strippers.

Bailey:

You’ll have to invite some then

Me:

With added nakedness.

Bailey:

These are not just strippers they’re Marks and Spencer’s Upper Class, 100% organic strippers served in a thin layer of Victoria’s Secret lingerie with a side serving of nakedness!

Me:

You mean they are covered in shit?

Bailey:

I was thinking more along the line of no (surgical) enhancements. But whatever floats your boat mate.

Me:

Dear Sir,

I wish to personally thank you for your kind enquires. I am pleased to report that what mostly floats my boat is based upon the Archimedes Principle. I do not, however, understand why you bring water based craft into a discussion so firmly routed in naked people.

I appreciate the obvious pun, but I wondered if you could ad’dress’ this situation forth-with.

Yours sincerely,

C. Ross, West Midlands.

Bailey:

Dear Mr Ross,

I am in receipt of your message, and shall henceforth attempt to answer your question through means of a scientific treatise.

The ability of an object to float in a liquid is related to its buoyancy. Thus if we take your hypothetical boat of mass M then we must solve the equation:

B = pVg – Mg

such that B is positive, given that g = gravity (9.82m/s2), p = density of water (1Kg/l) and V is the maximum displacement of your boat. For values of B < 0 your boat will sink (i.e. will not be floated).

Nakedness, and the resultant removal of clothing would result in a reduction in the total mass of the boat, thus increasing B, and hence floating your boat.

I should also mention that the resultant redistribution of blood caused by any enjoyment male 'members' of the boat experience would also serve to lower the centre of gravity of the vessel, serving to stabilise the boat against any lateral forces, also enhancing your boats ability to float

Yours,

C Bailey Esq

Me:

Dear Sir,

I wish to thank you in kind for your ability to clearly and concisely use science to prove that indeed, strippers and floating on a large mass of Di-hydrogen-oxide are so inextricably linked. I find such result both scientifically and personally pleasing to the minds eye.

If you could please let me know of the first available evening that I could perhaps acquire an alcohol based beverage for you as a means of thanks, I would be most indebted.

Regards,

C. Ross, West Midlands.

Bailey:

Dear Sir,

I am most indebted to your gentlemanly appreciation of my scholarly endeavours, and graciously accept your most kind offer to provide myself with alcoholic sustenance.

It is most fortuitous that you find yourself replying at this time, in within this forum. To celebrate the passing of another year since my birth I shall partaking of the waters in the Junction of Harborne tomorrow evening and shall be most grateful of your company at such time, whenceforth you may feel free to provide me with a beverage produced from the fermentation of hops, wheat and barley

Yours,

C Bailey Esq.

Myself being a fan of round-robin jokes:

Dear Sir,

Will there be strippers?

Regards,

C. Ross, West Midlands.

And Bailey not so much

Sir,

No

Heard this on Colin Murray last night:

… I hurt.

So upon advice I did a 48 length swim stretching out my strokes on Monday.

Today I swam 100 lengths. That totals 3404m. Which means, since beginning of January I’ve swam 24530m which is 24.5km

Since announcing our engagement, Emma has been flooded with various adverts for weddings. I found it curious that I had a lot of betting and gambling adverts (probably because I mention poker in my ‘profile’). It seems they are now targeting myself!

I can’t wait to use all these reasonably priced services so that Emma and I can have the beautiful church based white wedding. It is like they cancan’t read my mind at all.

This weekend I got up at 5.15am on Saturday to drive to North Wales.

I arrived at the beach (having had a couple of stops for supplies) at 8am. I was the first kiter there and enjoyed the sun rise. For those interested, it looked like this:

The others showed up and out came the kites. The day was basically epic. The wind was blowing and I got to fly the new 8m sonic that Emma gave me. It is just about the best kite I’ve ever flown. I spent all day flying (as did everyone else) and it was sick. In the evening we went to the pub, had some beverages, laughed a lot and had a really good time. This morning I woke up and was staggered at the beauty of the view from where we where staying:

We headed down to the beach and on the way I saw a car almost identical to mine, so had to stop and get a picture:

The session today was most excellent, I even clocked up a nice 36.1 mph top speed on the land board. I am so tired right now and aching all over (hence the rubbish report). I can’t wait to go out and fly again. There should be some video/pictures from marman at somepoint soon.